I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
high people should be assigned attendants
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize