Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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