Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
