Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
