So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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