ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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