When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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