I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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