she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize