Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
