i need an iv and a liver transplant
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
