Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
