How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
