It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
