The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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