my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
