I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize