how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
