Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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