Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
