I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
