He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
