he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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