I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
