Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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