idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
and you fell through a lawn chair
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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