I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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