Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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