whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
