Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
