Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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