why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
