I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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