whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
