So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
