Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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