I'm going to jail i love you
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
