Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Randomize
