just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
