So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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