sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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