The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
