How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just pee around me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
