my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
