"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
