I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize