why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's official drugs can't kill me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
