I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
