with your own penis?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
