this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
