So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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