She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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