I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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