OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
