i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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