wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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