did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
