Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
