My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize