Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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