One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
