We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
