do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize