I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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