why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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