I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
