Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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